DIVORCING

I've made a lot of progress.  I'm trying to work out the financial details of divorcing my husband.  I've come to a loop in my thinking and I need help to resolve this problem.

I want to continue to live in my home, but I don't have the means at this time to do so.  I have one child living home and two others may return within the next couple of years if they don't find employment after college.  It is likely that at least one of them will live at home for a while. The teenager who is still home wants to stay here and commute to a local university, which means that I may have 3 kids living with me off and on.

My financial situation for the long-term is looking up.  I've been looking for a year for a full-time job and have been unsuccessful.  While doing this, I started a part-time tutoring business and it's recently started to produce real income.  It looks like I may be able to support myself within two years.

Prior to this, I was a stay at home mom with three children.  I did everything except earn the money.  I am fortunate to have a good education that includes two Master's degrees and a family who is a safety net should I need them.  I also have faith that things will work out in the end.

That being said, I do not know how to proceed.  Specifically if I should sell my house and rent which would have solid advantages or use one of the other 7 options I came up with that would require a family member loaning me a small sum of money for about 5 years.

My pride seems to be so great that borrowing money is distasteful to me, but I would like to operate my business out of my home and my home is within walking distance of my child's school.  We like our neighbors and I feel comfortable here.  It is a dilemma as my mind is going in loops and I can't seem to resolve this by myself.  I could ask my husband to give me his share of the house, but I doubt that he would accept that.  I could get a lawyer for myself (we are using a mediation service that has a lawyer who represents both of us), but then it would be a big contentious experience.

The house has very little equity because my husband took 99K out to live on during our 7 year separation.  I didn't know that he took out this much money.  Now I am responsible for half of this debt.  

 My problem now is a moral philosophical one.  I am getting a bum rap.  I know that, but my husband is drinking himself to death.  I may lose my house.  He is losing his life.  Am I deserving of this house because he has succumbed to alcohol??  I chose to stay with him because I always hoped he would stop and come back to me.  He hasn't and it is very unlikely he will.

Should I take something away from him, because he took something from me?  Mostly 13 1/2 years of my life and my financial security.  He also took himself out of the children's lives completely.  They do not have a dad in the true meaning of the word.  I am mom and dad.  I have been a stressed single mother and they have grown up under these circumstances.   

But the question remains, should I take more than my share of the resources?  Do I have the right to do this?  I have no question that a judge would give me this house if I hire a lawyer.  Is that the right thing to do?  

I don't know.

-C