Blame vs. Responsibility

For many years I blamed myself.  Blamed myself for his drinking.  Of course, he constantly reminded me of this.  I took it upon myself.  I thought if it was my fault that I could fix it.  I could fix anything (almost), if I put my mind to it.  I was a codependent.  Was isn't accurate...I am.  

I am not as much of a codependent as I used to be.  However, after 7 years, I still get sucked into his blaming comments, "You cut me down, so I started drinking.  I ended up in rehab again."  

"What, do you blame me?"  
"No."
Yeah, right I'm thinking.  I couldn't sleep.  I felt badly.  I felt angry and as it was late at night, I was not going to call him back and tell him my feelings.  I will express them.  I did notice his comment.  It was bull and I'm tired of him not taking the responsibility for his drinking.

He will never truly recover if he cannot take responsibility.  If it is always someone else who is to blame then he will never have to accept the fact that he is the one who poured alcohol down his throat.  He is the one who has to come to grips with the issues that haunt him.  He is the one who has to make amends.  He needs to take responsibility for his own life as I have for mine.