I have started to climb out of the pit again. I had to get a lawyer because my husband acted as if he did not care about the children and me...he didn't care where we lived or if we had enough money. I found out later that he had been drinking for four days straight. Obviously, after almost 14 years I still can't tell when he's drunk over the telephone.
He called last night after he stopped drinking for 8 hours. I told him my divorce proposal. He tentatively agreed with it and I said for him to think about it over the weekend. We will be able to file for our divorce soon.
I think this will be a relief to him too. He still sees the pain he causes us and feels very guilty about it even though he doesn't acknowledge this. He has too much pride. He isn't a bad person. He's a very good person with a very bad problem. I have to detach from him so that I can go on with my life.
If only he could fully accept what has happened, embrace the responsibility and the pain. He would get the forgiveness that he needs from us, be able to forgive himself and go on with his life.
This is important to me partly because it is hard for me to go on with my life when I see him drinking himself to death. Most of my friends and family don't understand this fact. I am watching him drink himself to death. I can't do anything to stop it. I have to leave to maintain my own sanity and live. This doesn't change the fact that I have to stand by and watch him kill himself, even if it is from a distance.
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