The runaway train is screeching to a halt. A cliff is looming in the distance. My friends and family have been yelling "Get off the____train. It's going to crash. Get off now."
I hear them. I've been listening, just somewhat immobilized by my fear...my fear of being alone, my fear of supporting myself, etc. I know that I have not been rational. I should have jumped off earlier. I am going to get hurt either way. This train is going to crash if it does not get onto a different track. He is going to die.
Today I am supposed to take the paperwork to the lawyer so that he can write up our divorce papers. I have been sleeping again, but sometimes having nightmares. Last night I dreamt that a plane crashed behind our house. My son and his friends as well as my other children were here. I told everyone to get down on the ground and to get away from the windows. The plane exploded. My son was outside and shards of glass went into one of his hands. I was trying to pull them out when I woke up.
Our marriage is crashing. It is blowing up. He's getting a lawyer too. This does not matter. What matters is that I am getting off the train. I am choosing life without alcohol. I am not an alcoholic and I can find joy in life again.
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